In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
