Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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