youre lurking in front of me
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
