She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
