apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
try to milk me bitch
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
