Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
