im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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