So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
