beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
