So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
should my penis look like a turkey
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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