if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
