you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
