I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
