Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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