So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
