you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
