In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
