we have officially lost it.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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