And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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