I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
