I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
