I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
MIDGETS
????
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
