accomplished twins. life is a go
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
