Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
