the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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