Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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