Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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