Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
