i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
