marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
