My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish i was in the wii world.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
