i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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