Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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