Will you blow on my dice?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
