As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
