You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
