I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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