I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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