Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
