Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
