So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
