if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
