At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
