Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
