Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
