I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
