Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
