He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
