why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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