just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
