I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
