In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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