I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
