My sheets look like a crime scene.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
