Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
