Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
