Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
