im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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