Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
