Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
