People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
BRING THE BAGELS
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
