Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
