Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
