Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
