Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
